"How do mainstream American English compliment customs fit within the world's rainbow spectrum of compliment cultures?"
Compliments, which Wolfson (1981, p. 121) defined as "expressions of positive evaluation," are speech acts that do not work the same way across cultures. I became more aware of this when I connected the dots between two experiences I had with the pragmatics of compliments, described below.
Incident 1: I was teaching an adult ESL course and complimented one of my students, V., on her bracelets. A genial woman in her 60s, V. wore rows of thin gold bangles on each arm, and they made a pleasant tinkling sound as she moved.
"I love your bracelets, V.! They're so pretty!" I said.
"Oh! Ma'am, please, let me give you one!" she replied.
V. said the words with her characteristic enthusiasm, but her eyes were turned down and other body language suggested she was a bit uncomfortable with my compliment. I was surprised by this response, but chalked it up to modesty. I'm sure I replied with what I perceived to be a polite decline, and carried on teaching.
Incident 2: I didn't think of the bracelet incident again until two years later, when I was in graduate school in the U.S., sitting in a culture-focused class that was a mix of Americans and international students. During a discussion about cultural differences, a classmate, who was from a country bordering V's country, mentioned that Americans always seem to be complimenting one another's clothing. It felt jarring to her, because, in her language and culture, if someone compliments something you're wearing, social custom dictates you must offer the item to that person. My classmate had begun training herself not to offer her things to acquaintances and strangers, since she knew Americans didn't expect that. A few of the other international students nodded in agreement.
I immediately thought back to times I'd complimented those same classmates over the preceding few weeks. I'd definitely complimented someone's socks, admired another person's face-mask, and so on. I also thought back to V. Had she thought my compliment rude? Had the impact been imposition, despite my intent to show appreciation for her great taste in jewelry? For V., my declaration that her bangles were "so pretty!" may have been interpreted as a clear request for her possessions, made by someone she was not very close to. We were friendly acquaintances, of course, but I was not family or a close friend. Moreover, the fact that I was her teacher, and thus in a position of relative power, may have added to the discomfort I perceived in her reaction.
The above two incidents underscore the benefits of using classroom time to discuss pragmatic failure-- that is, when a misunderstanding occurs between interlocutors "with regard to the function a speaker wishes to convey to a listener," (Behrens & Parker, 2010, p. 360). The incidents also highlight the importance of teaching pragmatic competence to language learners. As DeCapua (2018, p. 101) notes, "...explicit instruction is crucial, since non-native speakers do not necessarily pick up the pragmatics of their new language." Had I thought to speak openly with V. about the pragmatics of compliments in mainstream American English, she might have understood, not only that I was not hoping to receive jewelry from her, but also that other Americans English users who complimented her possessions were probably not expecting gifts. In other words, she would have understood how expert speakers of American English typically respond to compliments-- and she may have chosen to emulate those responses (or not-- as we must leave room for individuals to consciously deviate from social expectations). Moreover, she may have chosen to practice complimenting in the mainstream American English style when interacting with other American English speakers. Even if she did not choose the latter, she would have better understood the ins-and-outs of compliment customs in the U.S.-- giving her insight into the practices and perspectives of the target-language culture (Cutshall, 2012).
When it comes to the pragmatics of compliments in mainstream American English, it's undeniable that learning to compliment in typical or expected ways can provide language learners with access to expert-speaker communities and opportunities. Ishihara and Cohen (2022, p. 151), for example, noted that compliments function as "social lubricant," in American English, and Luu (2018) asserted that Americans, in particular, love to give compliments, since the speech acts "...unmistakably show solidarity, cooperation, friendliness, and good will." Wolfson & Manes (1980) too asserted the importance of compliments to show solidarity in mainstream American culture-- and Herbert (1986) linked American English compliment styles to notions about core American values. Danziger (2020), writing about a Hebrew context but forming generalizable assertions about compliments, discussed the significance of strategic extension of compliments to flatter others-- and we do sometimes see flattery used in American English (in business settings, for example). Tsuda (1992) noted that hyperbole characterizes mainstream American English compliments-- a trait that is in stark contrast to compliment culture in that author's country of origin, Japan.
In this collection, I've attempted to capture some of what makes mainstream American English compliment culture unique, so that the resources might help learners grow their pragmatic and intercultural competence. I've also tried to provide a range of compliment types (and responses) to show how compliments may be given and received differently, depending on the relative power and closeness of the interlocutors. The collection is dedicated to V. and all of my wonderful, amazing, brilliant (see what I did there?) former students.
"I love your bracelets, V.! They're so pretty!"
"Oh! Ma'am, please, let me give you one!"
"What counts as a compliment may differ very much from one society to another." Wolfson (1981)
A few of my former students on our last day of class together.
Hyperbole is a feature of compliment and praise language in mainstream American English.