Anne Wolfe Postic, writing for foodie website The Kitchn, outlines common compliments cooks may receive when they've prepared a meal for someone else. Of particular interest is the way she organizes compliments into categories that include Obligatory, Awe-struck from a Non-Cook, Awe-struck from a Fellow Cook, Self-Hating, Back-handed, and Easy. The author explores likely intended meanings behind words used to compliment cooking, plus suggests ways to respond-- and advises how not to respond. The resource can help learners (especially those who like to cook for others) explore and interpret occasions where subtle, intended meanings may differ from the face-value of words.
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Sara McCord, writing for The Muse, discusses ways to give sincere compliments in business or office settings. Complimenting in professional environments can be tricky, since most people would not want the compliment to be perceived negatively. Excess flattery and compliments of an overtly romantic or sexual nature, for example, are considered inappropriate in the U.S. The latter may be grounds for termination of employment and/or legal action. As a result, it is particularly important for American English adult language learners to understand complimenting norms and the consequences of deviating from those norms in business settings, where dynamics of power, distance and imposition are at play. Learning to give compliments strategically-- and to use compliments likely to be well-received by the addressee-- in business settings can give learners access to target language communities through speech that builds solidarity.
The above clip from Steven Spielberg's 1975 film Jaws shows how the word great-- which many learners only know as a positive word in American English-- is often used sarcastically. It may be used dramatically, as in the film, or delivered drily, as in "Oh, great, we're having lima beans for the third day in a row." Christopher Weyant's cartoon in the New Yorker (below) further illustrates sarcastic use of the word great. Both resources demonstrate the importance of context when interpreting spoken or written English.
How can learners tell whether great, or any other "positive" word (perfect is another often used sarcastically) is being used in earnest? Learners must assess non-verbal cues and situational information. Paying attention to whether the speaker is angrily wielding a baseball bat may help, but, as depicted in the cartoon below, subtle cues such as folded arms and furrowed brows may also indicate sarcastic deployment of compliment language. The digital version of the magazine Teen Vogue has a web series called Compliment Battle. In this free series, currently in its first season with 29 episodes available, students can watch celebrities read complimentary fan-issued tweets to one another. This resource is particularly useful as a way for students to learn how English speakers respond to compliments: the celebrities often react with surprise, humor, and humility. Learners can also reflect on how written English compliments are given on social media sites like Twitter, and consider how complimenting a celebrity (who has social power and who would likely be inaccessible or distant in real life) might be different over Twitter, versus in person. The option for anonymity on Twitter will impact what the average person who lacks celebrity-level social power might say.
This resource should appeal to students familiar with the actors involved. Celebrities from blockbuster films like The Last Jedi and Black Panther appear, for example; this should be motivating for learners. The above video clip from the 2004 film Mean Girls shows a compliment interaction between two characters with an unequal power relationship. The blonde, Regina played by Rachel McAdams, is known as the "queen bee" of the teens' high school. She speaks to Cady, the new girl at school, played by Lindsay Lohan. Regina tells Cady she is, "Like, really pretty."
Although the words used might seem to communicate a compliment, Regina's, facial expressions and intonation, combined with knowledge viewers of the whole film have of her relative power, and her distaste for peers who have lower social standing, all tell us that this is not a true compliment. Regina may or may not truly think Cady is pretty, but regardless, after Cady graciously accepts the compliment in a way that's typical for the average American English speaker (teenager, or otherwise), Regina issues a very rude, backhanded follow-up question. By asking, "So, you think you're really pretty?" Regina implies that Cady displayed a socially inappropriate lack of humility by accepting the compliment, when that was not the case at all. Those who watch the whole film can gain an even deeper understanding of the aforementioned aspects of Regina's character and the power dynamics at play as she compliments her peers throughout the film. Bustle's Eliza Castile and James Polish wrote an article called "16 Backhanded 'Compliments' That Are Actually Insults." Their examples demonstrate how language may seem complimentary in terms of the lexicon used, but may have a subtext that is insulting. The speaker may or may not intend their compliment to be backhanded (subtly insulting), but often the impact of what is said results in the language being perceived as an insult.
One of the listed items most important for learners to heed is "You're so articulate." As the authors point out, this particular "compliment" has a racist history, as it is a micro-agression that has been directed at Black Americans from the mid-19th century through the present. The implication is that the person giving this "compliment" is surprised that the receiver is well-spoken, and that the speaker/writer expected the addressee to be uneducated. "You look so professional with your hair straight" has similar racial overtones, since this "compliment" implies hairstyles deviating from what is prototypically Western European-looking are unprofessional. This raises issues of language and power as we ask ourselves: who gets to decide what is professional and why? Netflix's hit reality series Queer Eye is a show about five people with queer identities (pictured above) who give makeovers to mainstream Americans of all genders and all ages. The person who receives the makeover is referred to as the "hero" of the episode, and the the group, known as the Fab 5 (short for "fabulous") model sincere compliment language in every episode of the series. Some of the people receiving makeovers have trouble accepting compliments. Learners should watch the show, take notes, and think about the compliment structures they hear. The American tendency to be hyperbolic when commenting is on display throughout the series, but seeing that language contextualized in moving narratives should help learners realize that just because a compliment seems exaggerated or OTT ("over the top") doesn't mean the compliment is insincere. ![]() Why is a British television series included on a site that's purportedly about complimenting in American English? Answer: because The Great British Bake-Off (called the Great British Baking show this side of the Atlantic ocean) is renowned for being the one series of the reality genre that showed Americans we could learn a thing or three about being kind and complimentary from the British. When Bake-Off gained popularity several years ago, there was no shortage of conversations in America about how polite all the hosts and contestants were during interactions with one another, including when they complimented "the competition" on their baking skills. Watch this show, keep tally of the compliments that are issued and what they are, and then try to do the same with an American cooking show like Cutthroat Kitchen. What differences do you see? What do they say about the language varieties, cultures, and norms on display? What do they say about the people involved?
The word awesome is one of the most frequently used words in mainstream American English compliment culture. Since the word suggests that the object of the compliment is quite literally "awe-inspiring," meaning they inspire an almost reverential respect and wonder, the compliment is an example of American English speakers' tendency to use hyperbolic or exaggerated language when complimenting. That this meme incorporates a friendly looking and cute dog, and is meant to express genuine warm appreciation for the addressee, makes the meme part of "wholesome" American English internet sub-culture as well. In other words, this meme is intended to support the general well-being of the receiver, and it would likely be appreciated by most members of contemporary American society, regardless of age or relative power/closeness of the giver or receiver of the compliment. The joke or twist in the meme is that "You" is the first word on the image, so the person who is awesome is the reader, you! Try searching for the #wholesome hashtag on Instagram to find similar posts.
Frank Capra's 1946 film It's A Wonderful Life-- considered an American winter holiday classic -- may seem a dated resource for exploring compliments, but I include it here as an example of how, despite the hyperbolic nature of American English compliments, the receiver of the compliment is now-- and has historically been-- expected to have a humble response to compliments (in most cases; there are always exceptions!). In this video, we see the character George Bailey, played by the actor Jimmy Stewart, complimenting a woman, Violet, played by Gloria Graham. Linguistically, her response to compliment is humble, as she says, "What, this old thing? Well I only wear it when I don't care how I look!" That she tosses her hair and is clearly dressed up, wearing makeup, and so forth, paired with viewers' understanding that, throughout the movie, this character is portrayed as looks-conscious, shows that Violet is only pretending to receive the compliment humbly.
Similar scenarios play out in contemporary society, and in 2022, you may certainly hear someone receiving a compliment to their clothing with something like, "Oh, thanks, it's really old," which could be sincere or false humility, depending on the situation. Learners should pay attention to non-verbal cues, plus any knowledge they may have of the individual's personality, to determine whether the humility is genuine or feigned. And, it's important to note: feigned humility is not necessarily negative. Historically, people in U.S. society-- particularly those identifying as women-- have been derided for paying careful attention to their looks, despite societal pressures to maintain aesthetic beauty. False humility may be seen as empowering, and in fact, the character from the film, Violet, represents a more contemporary take on feminine empowerment. Visit youglish.com/ to search for compliment words or phrases you know in English. The site will search the YouTube video repository and compile snippets from videos that use the word or phrase. You can hear the language that comes before and after the targeted word or phrase in order to situate it in context. You can also get a sense of who the speaker and listener are (to assess power relationships, closeness, and whether the compliment is an imposition, such as a catcall), what intonations, gestures, or other non-verbal cues may be used, and what pronunciation may sound like. For compliments, I recommend searching for the word "amazing," or the phrase "greatest of all time," which are characteristic of American English users' tendency toward the hyperbolic (exaggeration when complimenting people, places, and things).
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