TikTok is an excellent resource for exploring written and spoken American English compliment culture in digital spaces-- especially for young adult and teen language learners. Like case studies, individual TikTok posts won't always contain generalizable cultural or pragmatic information, but very often, trends can be seen and general inferences about American English culture can be made-- especially when viewing videos in the aggregate. Try exploring the hashtag #compliment-- or simply explore the site, and see what you find.
Flattering a parent...
Take the video above, for example: Here we see a young woman (@amyywoahh) in a shop acting as herself and also playing the role of her mother. The video shows Amy giving many compliments to her "mother" which amount to disingenuous flattery, used in hopes her mother will be in such a good mood, the mother will buy her gifts. Issues of power, closeness, and imposition underlie the flattery in the video. First, parents, by default, have power over their children. Furthermore, many (though not all) parents and children have a close personal relationship. The power dynamic makes it tricky for a child to request gifts from a parent without imposing. At the same time, the child may rely on the parent for financial support, and if the relationship is close, the child may exploit that closeness to get what they want by complimenting the parent. The complimenting you see in the video is insincere, but is done good-naturedly, and with humor.
The video is also a good model for learners who want to practice intonation while complimenting, and learn about emphasis connectors (e.g., "so" and "really" seen in the video) which can be used to strengthen compliments. Gendered Compliments on Social Media Part 1: Young Women to Young Women
The TikTok above shows a list of compliments that a traditionally-feminine-presenting young woman suggests giving to other "girls" (we can infer that by "girls," she means young women, not children, due to the language in her list). It's an excellent example of how the language used on social media, in text messages, and in other informal digital spaces, can be vastly different from the language that learners are taught in classrooms. The first compliment, "face tutorial???" suggests that the receiver of the compliment is so beautiful that the person speaking would like instruction on how to look like her. To correctly interpret this compliment, a learner would need existing schema for American English "make-up tutorial culture," a longtime YouTube trend where people (mostly female-identifying, though there are plenty of exceptions) make videos showing other make-up wearers new ways to apply cosmetics. "Teach me" is similar, as it means, "teach me to be just like you."
The spelling error in the 6th compliment of the first column (where the possessive "your" is written, instead of the contraction "you're,") is pervasive in online spaces, even among expert speakers. The abbreviation "mf" is a common acronym representing solidarity-building profanity; the acronym is used, rather than the spelled-out word, for brevity-- but it also softens and deflects the vulgarity. Other compliments of note: "wowowow" is shorthand for "Wow, wow, wow!" to indicate the person giving the compliment is in awe of the receiver. The repitition of the word "wow" adds emphasis to the compliment. "Every feature is literally in perfect proportion" shows how the word "literally" is no longer used...well, literally! At least not in American English. The word is used to add emphasis to whatever is being said, and in the case of the compliment depicted here, it acts as a synonym for "truly." "Holy moly" is an oath-like interjection, used to show surprise, that is commonly used as a compliment. It is synonymous with "wow." Gendered Compliments on Social Media Part 2: Young Men to Young Men
A counterpoint to the "women complimenting women" video, we see @joshwoshyy using the #spreadkindness hashtag to assert that "guys" (masculine people) should compliment other guys. Learners might compare this video to the two above. What is different about the words used to give compliments? What is different about the intonation? In American English, the word "bro" (short for "brother,") is used sometimes by men-- particularly young men-- as a solidarity-building device. The inclusion of profanity, for instance, after saying the words "I love that" is used to give a masculine edge to language that might otherwise feel emasculating for the speaker.
Compliment Deflection
Have you ever been complimented, and before you can reply, someone you have a close relationship with answers for you? This could be a best friend, as depicted in the video, or a family member. The idea is that when you have a close personal relationship with someone, they may feel entitled to speak on your behalf.
In the TikTok above, @outtpig plays the role of a person who likes to stop their best friend from receiving compliments. If someone compliments your shoes, for example, this "best friend" would deflect the compliment by telling everyone they are not real Nike shoes-- they are "knock-offs," or imitation Nike shoes that cost very little. How could learners of American English use this video? They can think about the perception that Americans' tendency is to always accept and applaud compliments. Does this video challenge that perception? Does it make a difference that the person deflecting the compliment is the "best friend" of the receiver-- and not the receiver themselves? Why do you think the hashtags #toxic #drama and #bff were included in the caption? Compliment Killers: "For A," "For Being," and "Actually."
The TikTok video by @ilyaselyn is presented as a joke, but is meant to show the pain the receiver of a "compliment" might feel when the compliment co-occurs with mitigating terms like "for a" as noted in the video's caption. The woman in this video is transgender and identifies as a woman. When people tell her "you're beautiful for a transgirl" instead of just saying "you're beautiful," she feels hurt because the inclusion of "for a" suggests that her trans identity renders her incapable of attaining the same levels of beauty as non-trans women.
Mitigation of compliments using language such as "for a" and "for being" may be directed at anyone in American English-- not just at people with transgender identities. For example, when I was an undergraduate and employed part time at a coffee shop, I had a conversation with a customer who told me, "You're pretty smart for being a coffee shop worker." The implication was that people who work at coffee shops generally have low-intelligence, and this was therefore not a compliment at all, despite the vocabulary used ("pretty smart"). Then again, there are times when such language is useful to indicate that what were initially low expectations have been upended. Example: if you purchased a processed frozen meal ("microwave dinner"), you probably would not expect it to taste like it was from an expensive restaurant. You might say, "Wow! This is delicious...for a frozen meal!" Actually...
Did you know the word "actually" is considered a compliment mitigator in American English as well? OK-- not everyone thinks so (I personally do not find the word offensive when it co-occurs with compliments). Most people I've asked about this, however, do NOT like when the word "actually" is inserted into a compliment. As shown in the video, language like, "You're actually funny," can signal that the speaker was surprised that the receiver was funny.
I first learned that some American English speakers take offense to the "actually + compliment" construction when I was interning with an expert world language teacher. When class ended, a student waved to the teacher as she left the room, and said "Wow, I actually learned something today!" The teacher was furious, as she interpreted the comment to mean that the student had never learned anything from her before. Oh my god, thank you!
Have you heard American English speakers preface compliments with the words, "Oh my god"? Utterances like "Oh my god, I LOVE your shoes!" and "Oh my god, this is the best coffee ever!" are common, but "Oh my god" is also used (mainly by women or female-identifying people) to preface the receipt of a compliment. The "Oh my god" implies that the receiver of the compliment is surprised by the compliment, and is thus a way to indicate humility just before receiving the compliment with a "thank you." Language learners might try adding "Oh my god" before their thank yous-- or before their compliments!-- in English, to sound more natural.
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